1. Easter was most glorious, the Great Vigil especially.  The fire lit successfully, and I did, dirty as it sounds, polish the bishop’s crozier.
  2. I almost lost faith, no I did lose faith on Good Friday because I was tired, and it was all a downer, and I really felt like I was over it.  But when I came in Saturday morning, I could feel things beginning to thrum and hum with energy.  Not the energy of the people, though that was there, they converted the place from plain to amazing in two hours.  The energy I felt was the stones themselves, wanting to sing.  I attribute amazing power to God, but I think even he had pause and muscle flexing as the moment of Resurrection occurred.  I mean, it is  called power for a reason, right?  It is powerful!
  3. There was something in the bishop’s sermon that got me to thinking about risk.  He was talking about seeking the truth. (Look, it might have been our rector who preached this one, or this might be a conglomeration of sermons.  I heard a lot of sermons last week)  There was also something about people who live in places of risk or in fear (It is also possible that none of this was said, it was something else preached that triggered these thoughts)  Anywho, I got to thinking about how to seek the truth, that maybe truth is that life has to be lived with a certain degree of abandon and risk.  That those people who struggle are living in the truth.  I live a very safe life, one that I think is boring in a way in its physical and emotional barricade to avoid exposure and embarrassment and strife.  And the way this all relates to God is this: What exactly am I afraid of?  I don’t live in a place of war.  I have plenty (more than enough!) to eat.  All the standard worries are handled.  What do I fear? Embarrassment? Rejection? And even if there are things to fear: “If God is for us, who can be against us?”  I don’t mean that as an “F-everyone else, I do want I want.” I mean, if I say that I am secure and certain in the hope of the resurrection, what exactly is my worry about not being perfect in my time on the planet.  I need to think more like I did in the abstract painting class.  Do more things because I want to experience them, not because I want to be amazing.
  4. Yeah, I am downloading turbo tax right now.  Don’t judge me.  Living on the edge has to begin somewhere. 
  5. The dear seeking servant has been accepted to Seminary, and this is right glorious, but I am just starting to realize what that means for me and our parish, which is that he is going to leave us and cleave to another, and pretty soon.  His fine woman too.  I always knew that I guess, but I didn’t really understand how soon that was coming, and I think, Seeking, we ought to all have a drunken sit down, so as to understand how our weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth will play out, and if we can arrange some sort of flaming viking ship for an exit.  I joke, but I am sad too.  I guess I had thought that we had 3 years of seminary to go, and I am not so sure of that anymore.  Did they give you a handout on this transition?  Don’t get me wrong, it is all right and good and a joyful thing, and seeking the truth is risky, I get that, but ouch, ouch, ouch.
This entry was posted in Church, Friends, I am boring, Organization. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to

  1. Anne says:

    Great post today, Miss El!!!

  2. liz says:

    Almost every time I read something you write, I want to say, “I love you”. Sometimes because you make me laugh, sometimes because you make me think, sometimes, like this time, because I just plain love you. I like how deeply you live. I like the way you think. I am glad I know you.

  3. RomeLover says:

    i do love you. and all i have to say right now is–let’s not get maudlin too soon or i’ll be flooding the church from here until he graduates.
    and we are NOT abandoning you.
    the Lord will provide. just ask isaac.

  4. RomeLover says:

    oh, and that power stuff? great description!

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