1. Did I have caffiene this afternoon?  Why am I still awake?
  2. This loud clock began ticking today in my head, counting down the events that happened this time last year.  Jeff going to Hospice, the wait, long, too long, not long enough.
  3. I’ve been all tangled and confused lately.  Short tempered. Angry that I didn’t notice my sadness sooner.  Upset that I’ve eaten my way through this past year, rather than figuring out what was bothering me. The year of the cancer.  Seven people that I know in various pitched battles with this stupid disease.  Families suffering. Frustration. Fear.
  4. The last thing I want to do is haul my fat self in front of people and be the auctioneer at the school silent auction tomorrow.  I’m not sure I know how to be funny anymore, or keep something like that moving.  It’s in two locations with a tight timetable. If you are within the sound of my voice, you should come.  I think there are bargains to be had.  Notably, there is going to be a week at a Chalet in Switerland.  If I win that, I might drive right from school to the airport.  Also,  there is a church pew, and I’ve been wanting one of those.  Not sure it is what I want, though.  It is a 70s Unitarian pew.  I’ve got no beef with the unitarians, but I am not sure about the 70s.
  5. Alleluia for my new kin, Izabel Lucy-Ann Stanfield, cousin Richard’s girl.  10 weeks early, and a wee thing, but breathing on her own.  I tried to get a hat going, but three failed attempts to get the right small size and soft yarn have me frustrated. Try again, later.
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2 Responses to

  1. It sounds like we have a few similar struggles, my friend. Sending some solidarity (and perhaps fewer esses?) your way.

  2. hippiehigh says:

    Of course the auction was a gigantic success. You can turn it on when you need to, but I am very glad for you that you turned it off today and took some time for yourself.
    And cancer can BITE ME.
    And don’t forget the holiness you witnessed in that place and time last year. Not that you ever want to experience that kind of thing again, but it was a moment of transcendence, and you got to share it with good people.
    Love you.

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